There was a time when I was captivated by the charm of running. After work, I would run for at least an hour every day. At first, my leg muscle soreness was so severe that I couldn’t walk for several days, but somehow as I kept running, I gradually could see more things coming into my view. As running became less scary, I remember being able to invest more time in running.

It’s been almost a year since I left my previous company. I actually needed recovery, but using recovery as an excuse, I spent time doing this and that, and I was startled to realize it’s already been almost a year.

I’ve lived working very hard, but as my 7th year approaches, I felt like there wasn’t much left. I’m not even sure if I do what I’ve been doing exceptionally better than others. Every time I look back, I felt so embarrassed because it was full of mistakes. That’s why I felt more strongly that I “want to do well.” So even while doing something little by little, I would easily put it down or rest if I felt like I couldn’t get feedback or answers. I’ve spent the past few months that way - busy but without substance.

I thought this was a problem caused by not seeing widely, and I was thinking from the perspective that I couldn’t see widely because I kept getting stressed. The stress was so severe that I briefly vented to a friend, and this response came back.

Right. People are short-sighted anyway, and if I only look far away, I gain nothing for myself. I have to run as a player myself to fail and gain something. Every success has failure in front of it, and I now have to experience that in various ways.

Let me start with jogging first. Moving forward slowly, slowly.