My friend A quit their job last year. Throughout that process, the most frequent question they received was “Are you planning to start a company after leaving?” They told me that every time they heard that question, it could be interpreted in two ways:

First, whether they intended to pitch ideas like other investors do, persuade people, continuously fundraise, and grow a business. Second, whether they wanted to independently define and solve problems.

Either interpretation was difficult to answer. If it was the first question, they weren’t sure if they really wanted to do that. If it was the second, they couldn’t imagine living a life without independently defining and solving problems.

What is “Natural”?

People tend to view life as a flow of time. The so-called “life plan” metaphor works this way. Around twenty to twenty-three, you enter university, graduate, get a job. Around mid-thirties, you get married, have children, raise them—all these stories.

But this is beyond optimistic—it’s naive. Life is closer to the y-axis, to energy. Because when we can no longer generate energy, we die. All forces acting on life operate in the y-axis direction, not the x-axis.

If you leave a person alone without any activity, they will move toward the most natural state. What would happen if you left someone alone for about a month without eating or washing? You would certainly discover a corpse.

Through this natural progression of logic, we can reach the conclusion that being alive is the exact opposite of being natural. In other words, all the things most people think of as “natural” might actually be closer to death. As mentioned above, think about graduating from high school or university, entering society through the job search process. Doesn’t it feel very natural? But all these processes involve delegating your sense of self. Because you need to do what the interviewer prefers to pass the interview.

To Stay Alive

I want to be alive. That question my friend A couldn’t answer—last year at year’s end, I went around stating it in quite a declarative form. What’s interesting is that when I said “I’m preparing to start a company,” regardless of how long people had known me, most responded with “I thought you would do something like that.” It sounded like evidence that I had consistently lived by independently solving problems. I realized I had been trying to feel alive in most moments.

I think this will probably be the time in my life when I feel most alive. I know well that this process won’t be easy. In Jeff Bezos’s final shareholder letter, he describes this process as requiring tremendous effort but being worth it. Just from hearing the stories of people around me who have started companies, it will probably be very difficult. Still, I believe that striving toward a certain direction is meaningful.

I will be even more alive.